Staring Down Death Daily

Every morning I wake to stand in front of death and stare it down.

While each of us never knows our expiration date, cancer patients know how imminent death really is. 

Death is not our friend but we do know it well. 

With my first cancer, chemo gave me a 50% chance of surviving the next five years. 

My second cancer gave me a 14% chance of surviving in the next five years. 

My third time with cancer gave my chances of survival 12 - 24 months without conventional treatment. Since then it has been a year and I am still here, so who knows? 

You would think that those odds would scare me but they do not because those numbers are just that...numbers, stats, numbers from people who did clinical trials to set the statistics line. 

I am not a statistic.

I am not a number. 

I am a human. 

I make choices. I weigh all the options. I research. My spouse researches. We make educated decisions based on this research. Slowly, I changed how I managed my cancer. 

Instead of living my life around infusions, flushing out my port, pet scans, and doctor appointments,  I now live my life in my car, traveling, enjoying life on my terms, and trying other alternative modalities. 

Understand, I am no doctor and you have to make your own decisions about how you desire to manage your cancer. My methods may not be for everyone. 

Instead of conventional medicine, I am trying Mushroom Variants like Chaga, Lions Mane, and Turkey Tai for Colon Cancer specifically. I am researching other mushroom modalities as well as other supplements. (If you want to follow my research journey, you can find my personal blog As Days Go By on my IHC profile below) 

Having tried Ketamine Infusions and lozenges I think both are great, however, their effects vary across symptoms. The infusions were most helpful for making my moods more manageable, as they are usually controlled by my bipolar disorder, depression, and Aspergers.   

Many Ketamine Wellness Centers are starting to use Ketamine for cancer patients. My experience with Rocky Mountain Mind and Body went extremely well; I found great pain relief in the infusions.

I am uncertain if these remedies keep me alive. In a movie called Finding Forrester, Sean Connery is asked by a young friend why he wears his socks inside out. Connery replies, “The Tibetans believe you wear your socks inside out for good luck.” His young friend asked, “Do you believe in that?” Connery replied, “It couldn’t hurt!”

That's how I believe in the choices I have made… “It couldn’t hurt.” 

Death, you can keep facing me, but I will keep staring you down! 

I may not get the last word, but at least I will have lived life on my terms!


Photo courtesy of Unsplash.