January 27th, 2017
| Survivor: Breast Cancer
I really truly want to write a positive upbeat journal entry since my last few have been very tough and raw. My only issue is I don't get too much work with; however, I am going to do my best to make this as upbeat as possible.
The past few weeks I have been feeling off physically. I kept thinking it was mental because of the emotional issues I have been dealing with since not having cancer, including survivor's guilt and losing two dear friends to cancer. So while I was vomiting, sleeping excessively and dealing with continuous pain, I just pushed it off. My partner Greg started noticing my right breast getting increasingly large and red. The doc agreed with him, gave me some antibiotics and told me to get to my surgeon if there was no improvement. We saw sure signs of improvement, so we thought all was good. Greg examined my breast again one morning (he has learned a lot from webMD). This time he was not so sure it was getting better. After I got out of the shower that morning, it was like someone turned a drain on my breast (lots of drainage - will spare the details). Four hours, several hospital gowns, towels, and burn wraps later they admitted me into the hospital.
I got an MRSA infection, otherwise known as a staph infection, in my right breast. I guess from all these hospital visits I tested positive for MRSA, which is no big deal unless you have a wound. The deal with this type of infection is that most types of antibiotics don't work, so you end up having to get an IV type antibiotic. This week I went in for emergency surgery to remove my tissue expander and the infection. The doctor put another tissue expander in, and since then I have continued antibiotics. So far so good.
Today I paged my nurse. She of course did not want to put on a gown or gloves to come in (I am highly contagious I guess) so she stood at the door. I asked her politely for a fork, and she asked why. I told her I wanted to eat the salad my husband brought me. She said they don't have those here. She then let me know she was going on lunch, and asked if I will I be fine until she comes back. I said yes and she shut my door.
At that very moment I could feel a rush of emotions through my body, my face flushed and tears started welling up in my eyes. Then I said out loud to myself "WAIT A F*CKING MINUTE BOBBIE. ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO CRY OVER A DAMN FORK?! NO!!" Then I started laughing out loud. (The photo for this blog is one I took of myself after I couldn't get my damn fork.)
I knew I was going to turn to my keyboard for some solitude. In order to get through the rest of my stay here in this lovely place, I want to be able to vent about the difficult things, but will follow up with a positive- This way I won't feel ungrateful.
Okay, okay, it's dinner time now. I need a damn fork! Time to open my door wide and get ready to pounce on the delivery person- Then I will be able to eat my delicious salad my hubby brought me, listen to some Lumineers, and count my blessings. I am so freaking fortunate. I am the luckiest girl in the world.
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Photos courtesy of author.
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