Send Cancer a message, literally. Get your feelings off your chest and support from your community. Tell Cancer how you feel.
Dear Cancer.... Headaches, headaches I will never forget the headaches. The horrific pain and discomfort you caused me. You have killed millions of people, physically and emotionally, Throughout history. Blood taken and given everyday: The number of pills, so many I cannot say, Alienation from my counts being low. Unthinkable weight gain And chronic, debilitating, excruciating pain. Because of You: All because of You You showed up unexpectedly And tried to steal my life away: But, You were wrong. I am still here today.
Dear Cancer, Although you disgust me, always and forever will, on most day I am able to be thankful to you. I am thankful for what I have learned about myself while being face to face with you. I have been able to see exactly what I am capable of enduring, what I am capable of accomplishing....which is kicking your damn butt! But for today, just this one day, please allow me to rant....and by rant I mean please allow me to express my utmost hatred and anger toward you. Today, above most days, I HATE YOU. I hate you for what you did to me. I hate that you took away my fertility. I hate that you took away my prime years before menopause. I hate that I am now at 39 in menopause and have to suffer some side effects of hormone replacement therapy. I hate that you have scarred me inside as well as out. I hate that my children (6 and 8) look at me and ask what happened to my belly to leave such a big mark. I hate that I have to tell them there is something out there so evil that it will permanently hurt their mommy. I hate that they know that this is something that we can't control and could attack anyone, anytime. But more than hating what you did to me, I hate you for what you did to my mother and to my family 7 years ago, when you first appeared your ugly head. I hate you for the suffering you caused her. The pain she went through, only to lose her beautiful life one year later. I hate that you took away what she wanted most of all, which was to be a grand-maman to my kids. I hate that she never got to meet my beautiful Sophie that was growing inside my belly. I hate you for taking my mom away. I hate that instead of feeling the magic of Christmas this time of year and looking forward to creating beautiful memories with my mom side-by-side, and celebrate with what my family used to be, I am now feeling the emptiness of her not being here. She is so close to my heart and always will be (and that you cannot take away from me) but yet she is so far and I struggle to find happiness this time of year. It becomes harder and harder to just close my eyes and think back on all those beautiful Christmases we did get to have together. HOW DARE YOU. How dare you come into our lives and take that away. She was a good person unlike any other. Her outlook on life was always positive and full of smiles, laughter and love. She lived for her family, her kids, her husband. She loved all those in her life. She also lived to make all those around her happy and comfortable and feel accepted. There was no better person and I truly believe the world is one shade darker without her light shining in it. I could try and try each day yet could never reach the level of goodness that woman had. You should be ashamed of yourself. Dear Cancer, you truly disgust me today above all other days. -Adele Croteau- @lutintoutnu
Dear Cancer, I truly feel sorry for you today. Today I am remind, as everyday, that it is I, just a 20 year old with a dream, beat the monster that invaded my life almost two years ago now. Today I play with my new hair, which is actually better (thicker and softer) that my old hair was, so you lost that too if you thought taking it away would make me feel worse. I was told yesterday that I call into work too much around chemo time. Well guess what? That means I have a job and people who care enough about me to work with my chemo schedule. You lost that too. I had finals last week. That means I am back at college. It might such some days, sure, I feel like you keep me in a mental fog, but I had finals which means I got through a whole semester despite you. Take that. I might not be all that brave, cancer, but I have grown brave wings, and honestly, I think I only have them because of you. You thought you would tear me down? Well, as a matter a fact, you showed me how strong I could be. You taught me to push through. After this, I will no longer just fly; I will soar. Nothing you do now can possibly change that.
Dear Cancer, As December 15th approaches, my heart is filled with many emotions. That day marks a year since Mallorie was diagnosed with leukemia. This past year has been a whirlwind of change, sacrifice and growth. I can remember the feeling of losing my breath when we heard the words "your daughter has leukemia." The room was full of family, but I felt alone. I had no idea what laid before me in this unplanned season of life. The hospital became our home on and off for many weeks. Just when I thought she was getting stronger, she would be sick. I wanted to be home with my husband and other two children, but I couldn't. I didn't know how to express myself. I was running on anxiety and fear. Cancer changed me. Some of the changes are good, but some are not. There are days I worry she will relapse or catch something she can not recover from. It always lingers in the back of my mind. Every~single~day. On the other hand, I am more compassionate to others with illness. I have made many new friends. And I try not to take anything for granted. There are still days, even though she is in remission and doing so well, I get angry and frustrated at this monster. I often wonder if I will ever be able to relax. It seems hard to believe we have come so far. I can remember the first few nights in the hospital at diagnoses thinking, "Will this ever get better?" Many doctors and nurses would tell me it would, it just takes time. They were right. It does get a bit easier. Treatments are less harsh. Appointments become fewer. Hospital stays less frequent. However, the thought of cancer and all it has destroyed never vanish from my thoughts. Not only do I worry for my child, I worry for all the other families and children dealing with cancer. So many children have been taken away. Families are broken. Dreams are lost. It makes me want to scream. Even with all the doubts, fears and frustrations, I know deep down we are blessed. And I know there is always a purpose for the things that happen. I have amazing support and prayer warriors all over the country. It is hard to be a care giver of a sick child, plus be a focused wife, mom, daughter, friend and employee. There are times I feel like a failure, but then moments I even surprise myself. I have learned it's all about perspective. I have days when I am alone, I break down. And in those moments, I think I become a bit stronger. There are days I am happy. There are days I am mean and selfish. There are days I want to quit. There are days I want to dance. There are days I want to run. But at the end of those days, no matter what emotion I am feeling, I know my purpose in this moment in time is to "be". Be flexible. Be willing to love. Be open. Be okay with what I am feeling. Be honest. Be understanding. Be silly. Be ready for anything. Be available. And most importantly, be still. One of my favorite verses is "Be still and know that I am God." I love that verse so much I have it tattooed on my wrist. It reminds me I don't have to have the answers. And when I am a complete mess, I can rely on God to carry me. He has been the only reason I have made it through my daughter's cancer and all the other junk associated with it. I truly do hate cancer. It is a thief. It is a destroyer. It is a selfish beast. But I believe good conquers all evil. And when I get to tuck my daughter in at night or I see her smiling and hear her laughter, she is winning this battle. Life is to short to play games and carry baggage. I try to let go of all the crap that comes at me. I am learning to become comfortable with expressing myself. I guess if I had to thank cancer for one thing, I would have to say thank you for showing me I am not prefect. I will stumble and fall. I will continue to make mistakes. I will cry and be angry. Cancer has reminded me to reach out to God. I don't need to be a super hero. And I am discovering it is okay to just be, well, me.
Dear Cancer, You entered my daughter's body last year around this time. She was only 11. What did she ever do to deserve such a horrible disease? Not only did you infect her body, you took her hair, her smile, her laughter and her confidence. But little did you know that was the ONLY time you would be in control. She decided to fight you. She was not going to let you steal her childhood. You were not going to take away her life. She made it to remission. She is stronger than you. Yeah, she is still in the battle, but she won. You suck cancer.
Dear Cancer, I never thought that in my life id meet someone like you. Someone as greedy and evil as you have been to me. You thought you could rain on my parade? You thought you could take me down and I wouldnt get back up? You thought that you'd fight me and I wouldnt fight back? HAHA! You thought wrong! How does it feel to have your ass whooped?! I can tell you that it feels real freakin good kicking your ass after what you have put me through you deserved every bit of it! You better hope to never cross my path again or you'll be very sorry. I hate you. Meranda Carsey
Dear Cancer, Four times, three of four I was supposed to die, but guess what? I won, and I will win the next time around too, because I know with your type it isn't if it is when. I am grateful that it was me and not my children or someone who may not have had the fight, and I am grateful for all you taught me. I am stronger than I ever dreamed and I can face my fears. I stared you down. Now facing my phobias aren't so bad. Hell, I went scuba diving, and jumped out of an air plane, and that is just the begining. Guess what? I'm getting an arm tattoo. A phoenix, full of fire and flame, cause damn it I have come back from the ashes. You thought you got me when I dies on the table didn't you? Ha! I came back just like the phoenix. And it will be holding a banner that says "FUCK Cancer, I beat it IIII times. Yeah, I'll have them put sticks in not numbers, because every time I beat your ass, I'm having another one added. So yeah, fuck you and leave me and all these people alone.
Hey cancer, You attacked me at 17 and really pissed me off! After that, you wanted another round with me at 20 years old And pissed me off even more! Then, a few years later, I find out that breast cancer is going to come for me because of my treatment! By that time, I defied you by living my life, loving, laughing, and making future plans
I was dxed with Waldenstroms 3 years ago and feel like my life has been "on hold" every since that unforgettable day. I am still having such a hard time dealing with all the "complications" I have endured. I have no "will to live" as I do not know if I will really have a future. The WM costs me my work, energy and has made me so very afraid. In addition to the fatigue, WM has "stolen" my vision and hearing and in addition, I suffer from chronic pain. I have no "quality of life" and find it difficult to get excited about what life I have. I can't find joy in even simple things and I don't want to make plans because I don't know if I have a future. I am on a lot of meds and I know they affect my reasoning ability. it is a difficult situation to find oneself in when one feels as though you have lost everything. Having your vision and hearing severely "compromised" to a point wherein you are unable to even renew your drivers license just adds to the depression. I am unable to take anti-depressants due to their effect on my vision and hearing. I don't feel the need to set goals, because I don't know what is literally "around the corner". It is really difficult to be upbeat when so much is wrong.
Dear cancer, your the brick wall I hit n brought me to my knees. But I'm standing now n I won't let it happen again. It's been 2 1/2 years since I beat ur ass. I will never be the same, May not be able to do thi gs like before, but I wo t let you from enjoying my life. Pain n all.
Dear cancer, Thank you for showing me I am stronger than my diagnosis. Thank you for giving me an different outlook on life, one that is grateful for life in general. I am eve grateful for when my 11 year old son doesn't listen to me, or arguess with me about brushing his teeth. Silly I know, but if I weren't living with cancer I wouldn't realize how great it is to be a single mom even in the moment of struggle. Thank you cancer for introducing me to some amazingly strong survivor friends who inspire me all the time to keep kicking your ass! Thank you for bringing me closer yo my sister who I didn't get along with very well before my diagnosis. Thank you for not coming into my life earlier, because the my life expectancy would only have been about 3 years, where now I can live with you until I'm 90 instead of having a death sentence. Thank you for showing me who NY real friends are, because when I got sick only the real friends stuck around. Oh by the way cancer I hate to tell you this but your not going to beat me, i am stronger than you think, and have more support than I even realize at times! I'm grateful for my new life, but hate having to live in my new normal! However o chose to live my life in the positive rather than hating you, so thank you for making me focus on the important things! Sincerely, Erikka
Dear Cancer. I would say the last year and a half has been a blast. But it hasn't. In many aspects I still feel, thanks to you, that my life is ruined. My verbal communication skills have gone out the window. You have left me with hideous scars over my neck. You have taken away some precious friends. You continue to torture my uncle. My confidence is shot to hell. There are things I'll never be able to do again. Simple things from licking an ice cream, to sticking my tongue out playfully at my younger siblings. To whistling. To being able to properly taste my favourite foods (IF I can ever eat again that is!) You made me lose my hair, the ONLY thing I liked about myself and gave me a fucked up Mohawk. You made my family cry and my siblings scared to come near me. You made me angry. And through all the pain, and fatigue and nearly feeling like I was dying. I STILL KICKED YOUR ASS! Fuck you cancer! Just fuck you! After you there is no 'getting back to normality' it's just a matter of making a new normal. And thanks to my family, friends and loved ones. I am finally getting that. Thanks to them. Not you. What good do you ever do?! You just take from good innocent people. Worthless waste of space
Dear Cancer, thank you. Thank you for opening my eyes. Thank you for making me the strong, confident person I am today. Thank you for teaching me that it is not actually you that is the issue but how you came to be inside my body and how western medicine attempts to treat you that is. Thank you for presenting what, and who, is important to me in life and for giving me that kick in the ass I needed to realise all of this as well as my own potential. I used to hate you, oh I hated you so bad, but I now see that you were never the problem. You were just a name given for the build up of many different issues in my life that had conveniently connected and coltivated into a tumor that took up residency in my brain. Now that these issues have all been addressed I do not see us crossing paths ever again, so at this point I will bid you farewell. You were never my best roommate, but you taught me the most. Thank you.
I have lived with you in my life for just over 14 years. In that time I have gone from being terrified of you taking me to saying, screw you cancer, I am alive and am going to continue to be for a long time. I have too many things to do to let you take me. I am fighting you with every breath I take!
Damn you, damn you, damn you. You were supposed to be GONE! I had locked that door, you were GONE. Like a bad ex, now you're phoning me with seizures and saying, "Hi, fuck you, I'm back." I am trying so hard to stand strong and say "You are SO out of here" but I'm scared. I'm scared out of my mind. I'm so scared. I need you to just ... not be here, please. Let the headaches and seizures be ... I don't know, some different type of nightmare.
Dear cancer, You are said to make a person stronger but I think the opposite. Not only did you make me believe I was done after my chemo in December 2014, but you decided to relapse two weeks later when I thought I was going to get my life back on track. I went back to work for one day teaching at my preschool to find out you came back the day after. You not only took away my career of teaching children for a few years now because of my stem cell transplant, but you have lowered my self confidence, made my emotions a messy roller coaster, and weakened my immune system. It took me a while to get on track and start living post treatment. I was supposed to graduate, be a teacher, and move out on my own in a year, but now it has been postponed. How am I supposed to find a guy with scars, telling him I had cancer, and that I cannot have children?!! Goodbye forever cancer...I never want to see you again!!!
I had to biopsies this week. Luckily they were both benign but I was angry and anxious waiting for the results. I kept thinking about the 16 months I have been on chemo and if it was back...well you start wondering if it was all worth it. On top of that tomorrow is my second wig "viewing" and I'm nauseous just thinking about it. I'm not sure if the illusion of hair will make me feel better or worse. Trying them on the first time definitely made me feel worse. I'm at the point where some days I just want to say enough is enough. It's exhausting and there isn't an end in sight. Luckily for me it's chronic not terminal but the fight to treat it is still draining.
Dear Cancer, you have messed with my body, my strength, my fears and my life. I'm a survivor of a rare not great prognosis cancer. Thankfully in remission, living my "new normal" and dealing with after effects of treatment. I'm alive and will keep on fighting!