Dear Cancer
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Cancer sucks! Here's what cancer fighters, cancer survivors and supporters have to say to cancer.



Dear Cancer On July 15, 1991 doctors from my Bone Marrow Transplant unit entered my room with about 4 implements that looked like 4 really big turkey basters. The stuff inside the basters was an off red color and was really weird looking. Anyway, after a short explanation of what they were going to do, they pushed the first one in very fast...then the next one, and next one and final one. WOW...what a rush! What that "Stuff" was, was my treated bone marrow that they were giving back me. Keep in mind this was after getting MEGA DOSES of chemotherapy that was designed to destroy my bone marrow and kill me. Those 4 "Turkey Basters" were in essence my life back. The next 6 weeks of my life were the most painful, sadistic, overwhelming, sad, depressing, etc...etc...Everyone that came in to see me how to wear a gown... Here is what I wrote about that 6 week span. This is from a book I wrote back in 1998 about my experiences with cancer. FROM CHAPTER 9 - TRANSPLANT ...Meanwhile, during this time, I started to experience severe pain in my lower back. My doctors were afraid that it was the cancer returning, but when they x-rayed me it actually showed that I had a collapsed lung. Not the greatest of news, but better than what they thought. The collapsed lung was due to me catching pneumonia, which I got because of having such low blood counts for 3 weeks. So let’s recap the last month. I had sores so bad in my mouth and down my throat that I could not swallow. I had severe bleeding in my bladder, and a catheter in me. I had no blood counts to speak of, and now had a collapsed lung with pneumonia. It was now the beginning of August, and although the sores in my mouth were healing, not much else was. My bladder acted up again which required another surgery and catheter. Everyday I would receive a platelet transfusion, because I was losing a tremendous amount of blood. Some days I would even have two platelet transfusions. After about a week of having the catheter in, the bleeding became massive. The blood was now clogging up the catheter and I had to be rushed in to emergency surgery to stop the problem. I was never more scared in my life at this point. My bladder was spasming so much that they had to hold me down because I was kicking and screaming form the pain. The blood in my bladder had now completely clogged my catheter and it was no longer draining. Imagine having the worst urge to pee and not being able to, knowing that it was because of blood backing up in to your kidneys. I went to the O.R. four times in a week and a half and was losing blood faster than I was making it. It was getting very bad and the future was not looking good. I was very sick and weak, but I still had the faith that God was going to pull me through. It was very tough, and at times I wondered if God was listening, but I still had faith. It got so bad some nights that I would ask God that if things didn’t get better soon to please take me home and take away my pain. During the last week of August, I started to spike these really high fevers. I was consistently around 103-104 degrees for about two days. The doctors had figured that one of the lumens in my broviac had been infected, and wanted to test it by running fluid thorough it. My mother was absolutely convinced that the lumen was infected, and demanded that the broviac be removed immediately, and that if the doctors ran anything through my lumen she would sue the hospital. Emergency surgery was needed to remove my broviac, which meant no anesthesia. I was going to have to stay wake while they cut me open, and removed my broviac. It wasn’t total butchery as the doctors had the decency to numb the area with Novocain. My nurse stood in the back of the room and held my hand as the doctors cut in to my chest and started to remove my broviac. I could see the blood dripping down my chest on to my stomach. As the knife cut deeper I started to scream more and more. Remember, this was something that had been in my body for eight and a half months. The surgeon had a difficult time removing it and a procedure that normally takes twenty minutes, wound up taking over and hour and a half. After the surgery I was so relieved. The doctors did find a staff infection in one of my lumens. If they had run anything through that lumen, I would have died within minutes. Thank God that my mother didn’t listen to the doctors and had them remove it. Moms always know best, especially mine. That incident almost was the end, and by the last week of August not much else was getting better. Besides having pneumonia, a collapsed lung, massive bleeding, and an infected lumen, I also had no blood counts. Time was running out and my counts needed to come up, or else. Things became so morbid that the last weekend of August my doctors told my mom and dad that I was not going to make it through the weekend. They told them to call family and friends and tell them the same. The Lord, however, had other plans. Miraculously the next day my counts started to come back, and the massive bleeding in my bladder stopped. For a week and a half there was no signs of blood in my urine, my doctors were absolutely amazed, they had witnessed a miracle."


Dear Cancer, In July 8, I will be celebrating two years of completing chemo and overcoming one of the most challenging experience of my life. It has been two and a half years since I was diagnosed, and I never addressed you with anger nor resentment. However, today an eerie feeling took over me and tears ran down my cheeks as I stood in front of the mirror examining each scar, mark and my new alien breasts. Yes, I decided to get a jump on my breasts before you took them from me the way you ran off with my ovaries. Everything I ever said about you was uplifting and enlightening. I thanked you every second of my journey for the wisdom, the strength, and the love I received from family, friends, acquaintances, as well as, strangers. Over and over again, I had thanked you for propelling me to reevaluate my life and realizing that I had given up on my dreams over a decade ago, and I had been just roaming through life with out a clear destination. You brought me amazing lessons and an ability to knock down my emotional wall allowing me to be vulnerable with a new found sensitivity that allows me to connect with others in a deeper and spiritual way. Yes, I've thanked you for all the gifts over and over again. But today, today is different. For the first time I feel hate towards you. I hate you for what you've done to my body, to my hair, to my breasts, and I hate you for making me feel less than a woman. I hate you for taking my ability to procreate. I hate you for what you've done to my family, for hurting my mother, for the stress brought upon my brother, and above all I hate you for killing my grandma. My sweet grandma dedicated her entire time to take care of me through chemo while you were silently spreading in her body. You really had take one of us after all, didn't you??? I'm so upset ... I couldn't even recognize my body today ... "What a mess, what a mess you left." Tomorrow will be a better day and will not grant you the power to emotionally hurt me like you did today. You don't deserve my tears and no matter how hard you try to bring me down, I will prevail. I will stand tall, with my head up high, my shoulders back and with my grandma still on my side. Her spirit will live for ever in my heart feeding me strength to live a joyful, peaceful and healthy life.


SCREW CANCER Cancer is something someone hates to hear, be it a simple type or a more aggressive type. For most people being diagnosed with cancer can stir up all kinds of emotional and physical stuff, also a lot of anger. You ask yourself questions like,"Why is this happening to me", " what is gonna happen to my family", and " what did i do to deceiver this bullshit, SCREW CANCER". I still have to work, I still have to make a living for my family, how long is that gonna last? It is important to note that not everyone will go through all of these stages. If you do, they might not happen in order. Some people have described a “roller coaster effect,” with lots of wild swings between stages. At least that's what happened with me. After the anger, came the denial " There's no way I have cancer, the doctor must be wrong". Some times they are! So, always get a second opinion. Try to stay positive at this point for yourself and your family, like i said the doctors could be wrong. The third and worst at least for me was the depression. Depression can get in your head and mess it all up. It tells you to forget about taking care of yourself. What does it mater, your gonna die anyway right? Remember my fiends he is not your friend, forget about the drugs and alcohol that depression keeps telling you to do and stand up an say "SCREW CANCER!" Then there comes bargaining,"maybe if i had done this or that right " "what if its something that will just go away in time and i don't have to worry about it" Bargaining is a good way to keep your head in the sand so to speak. At that point, that's when acceptance comes along and you accept that you have, cancer. So what should I do to better myself? Do I listen to the doctor ? Do I start the chemo, the radiation, herbal cures, essential oils, fruits, diets (to help clean out the poises in your body). However the stages come, it's not that easy and when you think you have figured it all out, the roller-coaster starts all over again. After everything you have tried to help your self with your situation it all keeps leading you back to anger, which once again, allows depression to weasel its way back in. Always remember my friends! Cancer can be a blessing or a curse and there are people out there, just like you, fighting this fight! They are wondering what to do, how to cope, and how to stay positive for their loved ones. Friends, please find some type of support or listen to my podcast or contact me to talk. I'm always available and you can email me at , Facebook Laughing with Cancer , and (of course) on . Remember my friends, if your not laughing your letting life pass you by!...PEACE!LOVE! and stay laughing ELVISRICO