Caregiver: Pancreatic Cancer (Stage IV)
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North Haven, CT
About Me
My Journal
I am a Caregiver
Type of Cancer
Pancreatic Cancer (Stage IV), 2015
Treatment Information
Stage of Treatment:

Receiving hospice or palliative care

Treatment Types:




Side Effect:
The Oak Tree, A Message of Encouragement
May 7th, 2017

This was a poem on a card to Emilee (from her mother), in which her mom wished her strength to endure. I thought it might be helpful and hopeful. I think of the roots in this poem, as your is strong, deep rooted, and your love will be here as you survive after cancer, or live with cancer, or when cancer takes your body, or that of a loved one

The Oak Tree…. A Message Of Encouragement

A mighty wind blew night and day
It stole the oak tree’s leaves away,
Then snapped its boughs and pulled its bark
Until the oak was tired and stark,
But still the oak tree held its ground
While other trees fell all around.
The weary wind gave up and spoke,
“How can you still be standing, Oak?”
The oak tree said, “I know that you
Can break each branch of mine in two,
Carry every leaf away,
Shake my limbs, and make me sway.
But I have roots stretched in the earth,
Growing stronger since my birth.
You’ll never touch them, for you see,
They are the deepest part of me.
Until today, I wasn’t sure
Of just how much I could endure,
But now I’ve found, with thanks to you,
I’m stronger than I ever knew.”

I hope this gives someone strength to go on, to live, to love, or to let have comfort in knowing that if a loved one has left their body, that they leave a legacy in you, in the earth, in the hearts they touched. Those not here still stand tall in our hearts, and those that ARE alive are worthy of our awe, our encouragement, our touch and our love. Those that are ready to let go...we will give your love to the world.

Give My Love Away, a poem
May 6th, 2017

Loosely based on a Hebrew prayer, after attending service at a synagogue after 17 years

To my dearest love,
Do not hold my love tightly when I have gone
Give it to the frail elderly and to children
Share it with others who are in need
Do not keep it tightly bound in your arms
But let it shine forth from your heart and in your eyes
Open your arms and give it away freely
In this way, my love lives on
In this way, you honor my living
and celebrate my life.
Instead of merely mourning my death
Embrace others firmly and give my love away

Unrequested Hugs, a poem
May 1st, 2017

unrequested hugs, especially when I am body slammed at a full run (she is amost two years old), with pure enthusiasm and mischief, prompted this:

Grandchild who are you
That can make joy spread and vibrate
In each cell that is my body

How do your eyes
The faces you make
Keep me wrapped around your finger

Your marvel at the world
Is wonder and pure emotion
Your smile is healing to my soul

When you hug me all on your own
Right then I am lost in you
And found at the same time
Purely present in that blissful moment

It Began With Sunbeams, a poem
April 30th, 2017

Emilee loved the feel of sunbeams on her face, whether in the house or in the car, the warmth of the sun gave her comfort, and some morsel of serenity

It Began with Sunbeams

Lying in my bed
Early morning
Sunbeams on my face
Sensing your presence
Telling me it’s time
To greet a new day

Birds singing here a gleeful, there a melancholy tone
Melodic mentions of sound intentions
Some staccato
Some lyrical
Nature's orchestra plays on
luring my heart strings to be strummed

Gently hush the voices
Playing inside my head
Grow quiet to listen
to the symphony that surrenders me
Winning me over
A captive patron of the arts

Oh Great Mother,
Soothe this vessel that suffers,
With the comfort of your voice

Spring Showers From My Eyes
April 29th, 2017

For some reason, waterworks from my eyes come easily the last couple of days. And no, I don' think it is just my allergies ...and I would put a smiley face here, with its tongue sticking out...if I knew how to

Spring Showers From My Eyes....

maybe it means I am starting a new phase
of living on this earth,
rising from the ashes
trying to find what I am worth.
as does the phoenix,
that emerges from the fire,
choking and with tearing eyes
as it struggles to inspire.
if I have learned anything
in the last ninety days,
maybe it is that I just need
to embrace what I am feeling,
and go with it
as it plays.
but, in the meantime,

that leaking faucet can't seem to control its pace
someone please
turn off that faucet
that is leaving salt tracks down my face.
I know Emilee must have her arms 'round me,
and is holding me nice and tight,
and most of the time that's all I need
to make me feel all right.