April 20th, 2018
| Survivor: Ovarian Cancer
Do you ever have days where you look in the mirror and think to yourself "I am beautiful"?
If you are like me, this phrase rarely enters my mind. I would consider myself your typical girl, where every once in a while, the word "cute" may quickly cross my mind but only in a tiny, miniature person kind of sense. There have only been a handful of times in my life where I have thought I was beautiful. Usually, it revolves around a wedding or special event. However, recently I thought I was beautiful in the absence of a fancy occasion.
It was a typical weekday morning, going about my usual schedule getting ready for work. Fresh out of the shower, the mirror reflecting back at me a completely bald head, with vivid green eyes framed by full lashes and brows having yet survived after three rounds of chemo. I had just added the finishing touches to my outfit by sliding on a bright red “power” blazer. Must have been a very important meeting at work that day. Looking into the mirror, about ready to give myself a confidence boosting pep talk for the day, I stood unable to speak. Silently looking at the reflection in the mirror, studying my face. Studying me. Studying every hair, wrinkle and feature. What I saw took my breath away. I was beautiful. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to allow my baldness to confidently shine at work. To stop covering it up each day with a colored beanie. To stop covering up who I was and what I was going through.
The baldness was pretty. I was pretty. In the mirror, I was looking at the completely stripped-down version of myself. There was nothing for me to hide behind: no hair, no make-up, no hat. Just me. My green eyes piercing, my smile bright, I was perfect. It was purely me feeling, looking my best yet in one of the worst situations life can throw at you. I felt powerful. I felt confident. I felt normal. In moments like these, I wish you could stop time and truly enjoy, savor them a bit longer. Or bottle the moment up, to store on a shelf, only allowing yourself to open one in a time of need. Even in a situation as dark as cancer, you can still find the prettiest version of yourself.
Do not allow cancer to take ahold of you. To wrap you around its dirty finger so tightly that you struggle to breath, stripping you of who you are. You have the courage, the strength, the will to be you, even the best version of yourself, in the toughest of situations. Do not give cancer the power that it so desperately needs to thrive. You are in control. You hold the power. Unwrap yourself from its finger, brush yourself off and take back your life. Take back you. Take back the beautiful person that you are.
Can you relate? Share your story in the comments below!
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