May 12th, 2016
| Fighter: Breast Cancer
After having cancer, a person's sensitivities to touch, intimacy, and physical activities like sex, can be complicated. The things you wanted before may be different now. Read more below.
I will not claim to have been a crazy sex kitten before cancer because I was not. My husband and I were a normal married couple of 15 plus years with 4 kids. While we did not have wild sex nightly, we were active and I certainly was not self conscious. I am not going to beat around any bushes here - this post is about trying desperately to get back what was robbed from so many us after cancer: sex.
If you have read anything I write, you know that I am not a doctor, rocket scientist or even a pharmacist so that is not where I am going here. I want to talk mental and why this is such a sexual mind fuck. I hope you don't mind my use of the phrase, but that's just the best way I can put it.
1. It’s hard to feel sexy after cancer.
2. Cancer stole my sex drive.
3. It hurts like hell.
“OMG when is this over”
4. Sometimes I hate being touched.
Learning how to embrace this body is new and figuring out how to adjust is a challenge. It takes adults years to be self confident right? So how can we expect someone who just went through all this shit cancer gives us to adjust to this body over night? Cancer happens fast. After the treatment, surgeries, and the dust settles you are left staring in the mirror trying to understand this new you. There seems to be lack of support on how to proceed and cope with the aftermath. All the while your spouse just wants to get their groove back, wanting you to “get over it”. It is not as easy as sexy lingerie (and for the record that is HARD to find) and high heels. It is about getting outside your own head and grasping the reality of where you are now, who you are now and how you feel in this new changed body.
I just want to straighten my tiara, get into bed, have my husband hold me and feel it. Is that too much to ask?
A version of this post originally appeared on Wildfire Magazine.
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