You are not a "dear" to me, far from it. You tried to ruin me, but you may see there have been some unintended consequences to your actions. You did your best to strip me of every last shred of dignity I had, and you very nearly succeeded. You had me backed into a terrifying corner of isolation. I could hardly even find people to connect with online, let alone those in person I mistakenly thought were in my corner. You were the final straw that threatened to completely break me, and in some ways you did. After a life of unbelievable struggle, with so MANY obstacles that had worn me down and some that nearly killed me, there you were- an anvil falling from the sky. It was ironic because I had been putting such great effort into correcting all my biggest mistakes over the last several years (and was getting my a** handed to me unsurprisingly... I even welcomed it), but things were finally beginning to fall into place. I had to laugh, at first I did. You were the great white that surfaced and circled me for over half a year in my small life raft. You watched as those I thought were friends, scattered at the sight of you. You stole physical beauty I didn't even know I had- claiming my hair, eyelashes, my lovely eyebrows and my figure. You marked my face with discoloration and bloat. You made my brain slow and ripped away my sparkle. You made it close to impossible for me to speak. All of this from the countless hours of poisoning and weeks of sickness it took to get rid of you. You didn't kill me but you made me want life to end far too much and for far too long- more than I ever imagined possible. You reduced me to the most unevolved parts of myself- you humiliated me in front of God, myself and others. All of these awful things that no one wants to hear or see, let alone experience, you did. You left me with the wreckage of everything dark that ever happened to me that had apparently never been resolved, such was your timing. Because of when you decided to appear, I was pushed into utter darkness and forced to face the thousands of invisible predators that were hiding there. I thought, certainly you had won. If you didn't directly take my life, you would indirectly... Or you would take my sanity. You nearly did. However, in your efforts on the behalf of evil to finally and completely gut me, you instead uncovered and helped dissolve layers of hardened debris that would have otherwise never been removed from my heart. And this message to you is much how I feel right now; heavy, battle-weary and mostly dark. But after stripping me down to close to nothing, attempting to crush me and raking the most tender parts of me over burning hot coals, you accidentally sparked something inside of me. Even I don't know what it is, but I feel that God is revealing things to me that were far lost, hidden long ago. Special, priceless gems that even you cannot destroy and that you will never touch. Your ghastly fire ripped right through me and only killed the dead growth. This time, the life you took can only come back stronger, more beautiful, more verdant than it ever was before. You tried to annihilate me, but you improved me. I would have never thought this possible, even now I can hardly believe it... But this is what has happened. I just have this inkling, this emerging, small, yet impressively solid feeling that you are going to wish so desperately and so dearly that you had never even come near me- but it is too late now. My move, checkmate.