In August 2010, I was diagnosed with stage 4 bone cancer.  As you can imagine I was devastated.  Three days later the diagnosis was changed to stage 3B Bilateral Radical Orchiectomy with another cancerous node in my neck and a teratoma (8”X10”X2 ½”) in my abdomen.  How I was misdiagnosed is a very long story but just let me say when I heard the new diagnosis I literally high fived my doctor.  He looked at me sternly and said, “Bob, there is no such thing as a good cancer”.  I smiled to myself and thought sure. Little did I know how right he was.

I did 4 rounds of chemo and I didn’t do well with this.  The first type of chemo was BEP and I lost 37% of my lung capacity.  They then finished off the treatment with VIP chemo.  By the time I had recovered enough it was December.  In early December I had my first surgery for the testicular cancer.  This went very smooth.

After a week of recovery I was told that a group of 20 doctors comprising of Oncologists and Urologists met to discuss my teratoma.  Now I was scared.  Nobody mentioned that 20 high priced doctors were needed to discuss my next operation.  In front of me the Urologist and the Oncologist got into an argument.  It turns out this teratoma was a grabber and it’s little fingers were grabbing into all the organs in my abdomen (both kidneys, lymph nodes, vena cava, spleen, aorta and the rest of the organs in this area).  The Oncologist said the “vote” was 18-2 not to do the surgery.  The Urologist, the surgeon, said if I didn’t have the surgery I would have a slow painful death and never see my youngest child graduate High School, he was in the 8^th grade.  I said, “so if I do nothing I will live for 4 ½ years, sadly he shook his head and said maybe 4 ½ months, best case a year”.

I demanded to see what a teratoma looked like and was surprised that this nasty little creature usually was in young women.  It looked like an abortion with hair, teeth, skin, etc… Here I was a 55 year old man that until the diagnosis had no doctors.  I just used my wife’s GP for my annual physical.  I was in great shape, no smoking, minimal drinking, annual fasts, heavy into body building and took numerous supplements. I looked at the surgeon and asked if he had ever done this before.  He admitted he hadn’t and said he had called all his peers and the closest he could find to have tackled something like this was his mentor who practiced at Sloan Kettering in New York.  The surgeon said, “My mentor said I could do this, I am younger with steadier hands and we in Dallas have all the specialists you will need for this type of surgery”.  He followed up with,” if you are going to do this you need to act quickly”.  I talked to my wife (more on her later) and I opted for the surgery but after Christmas.  I wanted one last Christmas with my family.

If all went well this would be a 4 hour surgery with a 5 day recovery, the surgery took place in January of 2011.  To say it didn’t go well is an understatement.  The surgery was 17+ hours and the total hospital stay was over 4 months.  I had a deep brain stroke with brain swelling, a radical neck dissection, lost a kidney, had my aorta and vena cava each nicked 20+ times, lost my adrenal gland on my left side, suffered thyroid damage, had blood clots in both legs, COPD, chronic kidney disease III in my remaining kidney, enlarged prostate, orthostatic hypertension, autonomic neuropathy, neuropathy in both legs from my hips down and in both arms from the elbow down and numerous other lesser problems.  I have had to put in a spinal stimulator to block the pain in my lower body and a second spinal stimulator to block the pain in my upper body. I have also have had shots in my neck and back for pain relief as well. On October 25, 2013 a CESI went incredibly wrong. Instead of helping my autonomic neuropathy it "rebounded" and hit my right arm. Initially my right arm from the elbow to my fingers felt like a combination of electrical pain combined with fire. After almost two months the pain has lessened in area. Now, it only hurts from my upper wrist to my fingers.

Since the diagnosis I have seen 21 doctors.  I am currently on 21 medications daily.  I use a cane to walk, I am constantly dizzy and short of breathe.  The pain even with all the surgeries, pain patches and pain pills is unbearable.  The worst part is I have early onset dementia and can no longer work.  I was an executive vice president for a Fortune 500 company and had a great career path and now I am homebound.

I dealt with major depression for almost a year.  My life has totally changed.  I went from an athletic executive to a homebound unemployed person whose annual cognitive tests show consistent reduction in my cognitive skills.  We had to move from our dream home to a much smaller ranch because I couldn’t do stairs and I am now on disability income.

After almost a year of self-pity and a lot of prayers I became a much better person. My pain doctor is actually thinking of starting a help group for his disabled patients and because of my mental / mood transformation he would like me to be actively involved if not lead this undertaking.   I was a typical executive, at least like the ones I knew, I was 100% focused on my career.  Despite my success I only took 2 family vacations because I was always too busy.  My wife and kids took vacations all the time, usually with other members of her family.  We also moved for my job.  By the time my youngest son reached the fourth grade he lived in 7 different states, all for the sake of promotions and money.  Since I worked about 60 – 70 hours a week there was no time for school activities that was my wife’s job or church.

After the pity subsided thanks to a lot of prayer I transformed into the new Bob (as my wife called me).  I was a lot nicer to my wife and kids, I have slight depression but nowhere near what it was.  I cannot read any more so I listen to the Bible and related books on tape.  I watch the Mass daily on TV and have about 15 applications on my I-pad that are all religious based.  I am able to meditate on daily readings and feel I am a more rounded person.  While nobody can be happy to get cancer, especially with all my complications, in some ways my life is better.  I feel I was on a golden road to hell.

The one person who was most responsible for me getting this far is my wife.  I had the best wife in the world.  She saved my life so many times in the past two years.  I had low platelets at home and despite being advised by my doctor things were fine, she rushed me to the hospital and I was supposedly hours or a fall from death.  While in my coma at the hospital my wife spent almost all the time in the hospital as possible given she was now for all purposes a single mom.  She over rode the doctors on so many occasions, she executed my durable power of attorney and fired doctors and hired other doctors.  As a nurse by training she could speak the doctor language and being a critical care recover nurse she could spot mistakes.  We have estimated that she has saved my life conservatively 5 times.  When I first got home my wife would wake me with 20+ pills every morning.  Without those pills I would be bound to my bed.  Every third day I must change my pain patch.  This is a horrible day, even with the patch and the pain pill it takes me 2 ½ hours to get out of bed.  My wife prepared all my meals, transported me to the 10+ doctors I still see on a routine basis and still toke care of our 14 year old son at that time.  

She still is somewhat a single mom as I was not of much value.  She drove my son to and from school and helped him participate in all kinds of school activities.  She was a great mom for example she had to help him get ready for his first High School Homecoming Dance.  My wife was a wonder woman in my opinion.  We moved to this fixer up ranch and in her spare time of taking care of me and my son she transformed a house we called a Big Brown Ugly because every square inch inside and out of this brick ranch into a French Country Home.  Since I am pretty immobile she had created a garden oasis for me to look at and do my meditation on how great my life was thanks to my beautiful bride. 

I told her how much I appreciated her multiple times a day and I made her take at least a mini-vacation (I would have hospice help or one of our grown daughters to help me) every 6 months and a major vacation every year (because of my health, I couldn’t attend).  I have read, well listened to books that caregivers of dementia patients need breaks for their own mental health.  I could never pay her back for all she has done for me.

On one of these breaks she told me she was going to back pack Europe. Her first husband was German and she lived in Germany for 5 years. The morning she left she let me sleep in but for some reason I woke up at 5:00 and went downstairs. There were 3 huge suitcases in our hallway and my brain is so impaired I didn't realize you don't need all that to backpack Europe for a week. A car horn rang and she left. About a week later I got a letter saying she could not live like we were living any more. She asked me for a divorce. She said I could keep our son but she wanted half our assets. She said her attorney would be copying me but she didn't tell me where she was and she wouldn't pick up my calls or return texts or e-mails. After another week I felt I had to tell our son his mom wasn't coming back. He is such a great kid he asked, "a Dad, who is going to take care of you". I told him I was still working on that as doing something this big with dementia was a huge challenge. Within 30 minutes he was yelling. He came in and said, "That **** is living in Germany with some dude". He found this on Facebook. Five months later she contacted her 21 year old daughter and said she made a horrible mistake and asked if I would take her back". My step daughter said, "Mom, Bob loves you very much he was and still is confused by what happened". She made her daughter contact me and say her mom was meeting with a priest daily and confessed all her sins and made a horrible mistake and wanted to come back". I told her I loved her mom and never stopped but was confused by what she did. My wife came home. She said she was overwhelmed and made a bad decision. I told her I would get her as much help to take care of me, our home and our children. Since she had confessed her sins to a priest, I felt if God had forgiven her who was I to question what she did and why. It turns out this was a huge mistake. My wife kept taking quarterly trips to see a niece graduate from college, another trip to see another niece get married, a trip to the beach with my son and her brothers family.

Then she told me that she was taking a trip to see her brother and sister-in-law in Maryland. I had gotten her help and she actually had one of the ladies help her pack. To not bother me she was going to stay at this ladies home and have her drive her to the airport bi was very ill that day and was bedridden all day. I just slept and would wake up in pain, be given pills and I fell back to sleep. I never heard her leave. The first 4 days she was gone I spoke to her every day. On that last day she even said she was bored and may come home early. As I was looking up flights she said she had to run but she would call me back. She didn't so for the next 4 days I called her cell, her brothers house, I text her and sent e-mails but got no answer back. I called the police in our city but was told I would have to deal with the police in this little town. After 2 days of frustration I called my cities police again. They told me to tell them I wanted to file a formal missing persons report and since her brother was never returning their calls despite several notes they should dig up their 10 acre property and bring out cadaver dogs as my wife as never not contacted me like this. Finally, my sister-in-law called me screaming to get the cops off her property that my wife flew out her home yesterday but wouldn't tell me where. I said well I guess the cops will have to dig up your lawn if you don't tell me where she went. She just hung up on me. I'm not sure why but I called my wife's eldest daughter who I adopted but she wasn't dealing with her mother and hadn't talked to her for almost a year. My daughter said hold on Dad. She came back and said she's on my cell phone plan. I can see your calls and texts, as well as our sons and her sister but none were returned. But she was calling Germany every day, several times a day. Dad, I can't tell you for sure where she is but her phone is making and receiving calls in Germany. Having learned from my son last time, I found her back at that same guy's life. His web page said in a relationship and it was as of the day my wife's plane landed. Five days later she texted me, "I am tired of living your pipe dream. I want my old life back. The kids love you and I'm sure you'll take great care of them. I am never coming back to the states I want an expedited divorce. Let's both just use your attorney". Because we filed a year before the divorce for my attorney was easy. I would check his website to see if anything was happening. One week after the divorce finalized they flew to Las Vegas and were married. He had this as the first thing you saw when you went on his page. Under it were a dozen comments in German. A few referenced my ex-wive's first name. In the almost 6 months since she left she has not called any of her children. All three kids from three different fathers are at my home tonight. I guess I've done something right. Now I wish I asked her why she left last time and who was this guy. I assume he was a friend of her first husband who was a German National. For the first time in 56 years, I have no Christmas spirit.