Survivor: Lung Cancer (Stage Not Sure)
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Badger, MN
My Journal
May 8th, 2015

I was diagnosed with lung cancer Nov. 2014.  It was in a mass, blocking my bronchial tube.  The lung was ruined by the time I was diagnosed, but the cancer hadn't come out of the lung, so the docs just took out the whole left lung.  My right lung had already grown in size and was doing a great job getting oxygen in my blood, so no real rehab was needed.  I did 4 harsh chemo rounds over 3 months, and am fine now.  I feel grateful.

The thing is, I also feel so guilty.  Lots of people don't make it, as the cancer comes out of the lung and gets into the lymph nodes and goes all around.  I'm still struggling with smoking.  I've hardly suffered at all compared to people I know with different kinds of cancer....lots of chemo, sickness, radiation, sometimes years of this stuff. 

I wasn't afraid to die, I never "fought" cancer, I wasn't heroic, and though I'm alive, I don't feel like a survivor.  I'm working on not being so ashamed to have gotten it, and barely suffering.

I know it sounds like throwing a gift out the door.  It's really an odd conflict to have.

That's it for now.  As I work through this, if some terrific epiphany should hit me, I'll share it.


Thank you for this site.


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